First of all, Dear Readers, thank you so very much for all your feedback. I welcome it, relish it and take it to heart. If only you are entertained, I am happy, but it's all the more fulfilling when I can address things you are experiencing and actually care about.
The nice thing about being the sexually open and adventurous single friend is that all my friends--married, LTRs, live-ins, gay--come to me to talk about their sexual concerns and curiousities, so I can honestly say, you are not alone, no matter how outlandish or allegedly dull you think your sex issues are. Many others are dealing (or not dealing) with the same issues.
Recently, I have been hearing some, "Oh, but my sex life is pretty boring...being married and all" or "I've only had a couple partners, so I'm not that interesting..." I want to be extra clear, while the haphazard and sometimes random sex that I can detail for your entertainment is certainly entertaining, it's not the majority of what's going on out there. What's going on are your real lives: sleeping in the same bed and (hopefully) having sex with the same person night after night and wondering if other people are having any of the same kinds of conversations or issues you are. I am here to assure you, they absolutely are. Unfortunately, many of them are not talking about them, though, some are just hoping they go away if ignored... These connections with your partner, if you allow them, can be incredible opportunities for you both to stretch and grow yourselves, both individually and together. Sadly, though, when not properly addressed, they can be extremely isolating and just perpetuate the shame spirals, driving you further apart.
Recently, two issues have been coming up more and more: cheating and fetishes. For now, I'm going to address fetishes, but both are loaded and intense topics that I could write on over and over again. Cheating is a very gray topic that we'll save for (I'm sure) many posts down the road. Feel free to start sending me questions now...
As for fetishes, therein lies my title and alluding to your so-called "boring" sex lives. While I may have had the sporadic dark chocolate moments (which make for great storytelling), most of my sex life falls somewhere between vanilla and a whipped pistachio (for color). Some of you have partners that are pushing your comfort zones into the dark chocolate each and every time, and this is where so much of the fear comes from.
In my previous post, I touched on the revelation of true intimacy which stems from a man opening up about his sexual shame, and it's from this shame that fetishes and unique desires have bubbled up to become the various-sized monsters they are.
(onto Fetishes: Chapter One)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
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